Being present. - Tuesday's tot talks

Now that Molly is a fully aware 2 year old, she can be very cognizant of us being on our phones while she is either wanting help with something or wanting to play at home. I have made a conscious effort to stay off my cell phone when I'm at home with her unless it is either a) very important that I check something or make a call etc. or b) a time when she is enjoying an activity on her own and I want to take a second to check it. She is very keenly aware of technology for her age, which is something that my generation (saying that makes me feel OLD) never really experienced. For instance, she knows that she can play games on a cell phone or tablet, watch videos on a phone or tablet or computer, and she knows all about taking pictures on a phone, looking at pictures (swyping through them, even!) and she loves using Skype (we talk to my family via Skype at least once a week).

At the beach last spring

At times, it can be hard to be fully present with her at home because it is my time away from work too, and sometimes I want a little bit of "me-time" or "down-time". Our time at home is also busy with cooking, cleaning, housework and other things that need to get done. Brian and I are trying to encourage Molly to play independently at times, which doesn't mean that we leave her alone or anything, but that we step back and let her explore her toys on her own without constantly relying on us for help or entertainment. While we want to encourage her independence, we also want her to communicate with us and we want her to know that she is important and special to us. The times when I consciously try to sit and talk to her about what she is doing or play with her, I always find myself feeling very happy because she is SO happy to be spending time with me. There is happiness in simple activities with her. Our time together is so precious when it is only a couple of hours on weekdays and all day on weekends. I want to cherish it and soak it all up. I am especially mindful of it lately because I know my time with her will be a bit stretched when the new baby arrives in April, and I want to implicitly reassure her that she is loved beyond measure.

Doing puzzles at home 

Molly Likes to Help
In the past 6 months or so, I have embraced the fact that Molly often wants to help me with whatever I am doing. Therefore, if I am washing dishes and she wants to help by standing on a chair next to me, I usually let her even though it's messier and it takes longer. She also loves to help with laundry...putting it in the washer, sorting it and putting it away. She likes to help unload the dishwasher (although this requires very alert supervision, haha!). Basically, what I have come to realize is that sometimes she just wants to do what I (or Brian) am doing, and I'm definitely fine with that. I read something once about building confidence in toddlers by letting them help. By letting them help you with something, they learn that they are capable, and they learn that they are can be valuable. They also learn new skills, as long as they are supervised well :)

Being Present with your child helps their development
When you are playing with your child or letting them help you with something, they learn new words, new skills, and boundaries. For instance, Molly has recently learned the phrase "don't do that again" when she does something that we would prefer for her not to do (like remove her diaper herself in the middle of the night and pee in bed - a story for another day). She remembers in the future that certain things are dangerous (she learned a long time ago to stay away from the oven) and certain things are for adults only.

These moments will not last forever
People are constantly telling us parents that you can blink and your child will be a teenager. I find this to be particularly true when you are not with your child all the time - for instance, if you are a working mother (although I'm sure it's true for all parents). Every day is a new day with a new development for children, and I, for one, don't want to miss out on anything even if I might not remember it clearly in a year. :)

Molly and her minion

I know that a lot of what I've said is old news for everyone, because the idea of "being present" is such a trend these days and people are always considering it to be a resolution or something to strive for - but I think that's great. I think being aware of the amount of time we spend on technology at home is IMPORTANT. It's also important to cherish those moments with a young one, because they grow so quickly that you won't always get the moments back later.

What do you think about it? Is there a line between giving a toddler TOO much attention and making them feel cherished? (I think there definitely is - and independence is important too!)