5 Thoughts on 5 Years of Marriage

Today marks our 5th wedding anniversary. On one hand, I feel like it has really flown by. On the other hand, a lot has happened since that day, and I feel that too. The thing that I know for sure is that I wouldn't trade any of it for the world.

Here are a few reflections on our first 5 years as a married couple. A lot of these pertain to our own relationship with two young children. We had Molly before we were married so we don't know any differently, but a lot of these have a slight undertone about children :)

1) Your relationship is yours, and yours alone. 

I know all about the saying Comparison is the thief of joy and I absolutely try to put this into practice in my own life, but I definitely fail sometimes. I have met couples over my lifetime and thought, "wow, why isn't that me and Brian? They always seem so happy and we were just arguing on the way over here!" I've also spent plenty of time thinking that all happy couples go to bed at the same time every night (we often don't) and have a date night once a week (we should try to do this more) or do everything together (this just isn't us). When it comes down to it, we are happy doing what we're doing. We strive to be partners in parenting. We involve each other in all of our exciting, mundane, interesting, silly moments and big life decisions. Just because one thing makes someone else happy doesn't mean that it's what we need to be doing. I've realized this a lot over the past year or so and it has improved our lives considerably (Brian is very much a "if it isn't broken, don't fix it" kind of person).

2) Learning more about your partner's love language, personality, and life goals can be quite eye-opening. 

I love learning about stuff like this because my background is in psychology and I enjoy self-help type books. Brian is an engineer and couldn't care less about this stuff, but he does answer my questionnaires and I share things with him. We recently came across a house listing (even though we're not planning to move anytime soon) that Brian told me was his DREAM HOME. Problem: It was not even CLOSE to being my dream home. This was hilarious because we are both going to have to make some compromises down the road, but it just taught me that there is something new for me to learn about my husband all the time. Even though we have very different personalities, learning a bit more about this stuff has helped us to understand each other a little bit better, and isn't that the point?

3) Even though Brian is a top priority in my life, he may not always be the most immediate priority. 

If I ever have any news to share or need advice, Brian is the person I turn to first (my parents are a close second :P). He is absolutely the most important person in my life aside from myself (because if you don't look out for yourself, who's going to?!). However, on the many nights of feeding and rocking a new baby over the past 5ish years, there were other things that I needed to do. Likewise, there were times when I could have spent extra time with him after the kids went to bed but I needed alone time to recharge and relax. We spent ~40 minutes of quality time in the car everyday talking about anything under the sun, so sometimes I feel okay if we do our own thing in the evenings. However, he does need to be made a priority sometimes, obviously, and that's what this weekend is about :)

4) When things get too busy, it's important to take some time together. 

We are going away this weekend for this first time in a LONG time and I can't wait. We need this time alone together to just relax and enjoy each other's company during the time of day when we are not exhausted (i.e. evenings). We are blessed to have both of our parents nearby who are happy to watch our children on a regular basis so we do date nights about once a month, but it's very easy to do date nights at home too and sometimes we just relax with a few board games and a glass of wine and that's enough.

5) Having close friendships with other couples is wonderful. 

Growing up, my parents had quite a few wonderful couple friends, most of whom we knew quite well and whose children I am still close with. I can't speak for my parents, but I know that in my own life, it is AMAZING for us to have couple friends who we can turn to and lean on and learn from. I remember something the priest mentioned on our wedding day about all of the people who were present to support us in our marriage, and we have been abundantly blessed with fantastic role models and other couples who are a testament to the love that surrounds us.

What do you think? Do any of these ring true in your own marriage? I'm always interested to hear other's thoughts on these things because I definitely know I am NOT an expert at any of this!!!

Happy anniversary Brian! Can't wait to relax and celebrate this weekend.

March 3 is a special day :)

Hellooo world :)

Back to the grind...I only have 4 weeks left of work until I'm off with two kiddos for a year (assuming that I don't have the baby before 4 weeks - in which case, less time at work). See how I made that sound like a total piece of cake? That's what I'm trying to believe!! :)

We had a pretty good weekend in which we got a lot of little things done as well as some nice family time and some laughs with our silly little toddler. I would have loved to watch the Oscars, but just wasn't able to stay up late enough. I am looking forward to browsing the red carpet looks today online though and reading about the acceptance speeches!!

Yesterday, Molly was overjoyed when I used a beer box to attach a "trailer" to her little car so she could drive around with her doll and animals behind her. Cute, right?

We also took her swimming yesterday and she was soooo excited. We don't take her often enough and I'd like to start taking her more because she loves it SO much and it's a pretty inexpensive activity. She is going to be taking swimming lessons and soccer this summer, so I know she will get a lot out of that.

March 3, 2010 is the day that Brian and I had our very first date. AKA the first time we ever met in person. (We had talked online/on the phone for about a month prior to this). We drove to the restaurant separately, met there, and ate delicious Greek food. We had a great conversation over dinner. He told me (months later) that I was awkwardly fidgeting a bit and adjusting my shirt. I don't even remember feeling nervous. He seemed more laid back, which is funny because he is definitely more shy than I am. He told me a lot of stories about his family and his childhood, and we felt pretty comfortable.

When we were done eating, I drove with him across the street and we played glow-in-the-dark mini golf. It was great, and a nice way to extend the evening. I had also brought him a cupcake with a happy face on it ( I had made a big batch for my cousin's birthday), and I felt weird about it at the time, but he loved it, haha. Overall, there was very minimal awkwardness, and I remember thinking that I was SO happy about that. He "let me win" at mini-golf (I won fair and square) and he texted me as soon as I got home saying how much he enjoyed himself and wanted to get together again. So we did, a week later, and then a couple of days after that, and the rest is history :).

Here's where we sat at dinner (under the tree!)

(Via)

I remember a friend of mine wanted me to check in with her once or twice on the date & definitely when I left/got home because it can be a bit nerve-wracking meeting someone from the internet. That was a very smart idea, but I was lucky to have nothing to worry about. I have been asked many times since we met how I feel about the fact that we met online, and truthfully, I mostly feel lucky. I didn't have the typical "online dating" experience because I was very, very picky about talking to guys on MSN or meeting in person or anything like that. I only met one person before Brian, and he was nice enough but just wasn't my type. I think it is extremely important to be picky in online dating. If you don't even like talking to someone over the internet when they can edit everything they are saying, why would you like them in person? (this is a personal opinion - obviously some people might be better in person than online.)

I also consider myself lucky because Brian and I likely would never have met if we hadn't connected online. When I first sent him a message, his profile had a few questions for people to answer so he could get to know them better (which I really liked because it gave us something to talk about and we instantly learned that we had a few things in common). It helped that both of us were open to being in a relationship, but not desperately seeking one at the time. We are both relatively serious people who weren't looking for a fling online. It's just the way that it worked out for us at the time.

I will never forget March 3, 2010 and the way it made me feel. It was a special first date, and I've mentioned to Brian that we should re-create it sometime. :) We actually had our wedding rehearsal dinner at the same restaurant, and we've been back there a few times, but not lately! I am so grateful for the "fate" that brought us together four years ago and brought us to where we are today.

At a friend's wedding December 2012

It is also my beloved grandmother's 80th birthday today! She is an amazing woman who I had the privilege of living with for 2 years when I was studying at St. FX. She is one of the most active women I know, and participates in a lot of different community activities. She also travels frequently and spends a lot of time with all of our family. She is like a second mother to me, and I am thinking of her today!

Hope you all have a great Monday!!

Why we Work (Link up for Valentine's Day)

I find it interesting to reflect back on some of the reasons why Brian and I fell in love, but more importantly, what we have that makes us stay in love. I loooooved our early stages of dating (who doesn't love that part?!), but I am also proud of what we have now and what I know we will have moving forward. So today I'm going to share a lot of REALLY old pictures of us and talk about why we work as a couple. Taylor and Bonnie are hosting a link up about this over here :)

1) We work because we both love and place high value on our families and close friends

Brian introduced me to his parents and siblings out of the blue after we'd gone out for dinner one night to celebrate our "one monthiversary". We stopped by his parents house and talked for awhile. After that, it seems like I was invited to all family events, and he met my parents when they came out East for a visit after we'd only dated a month or two as well. It was really important to me that he like my family, and I know he appreciates how well I get along with his parents and siblings. (I appreciate it too - I am VERY lucky to have great in-laws.) We also understand how important it is for each other to maintain close friendships with other people. We have a lot of great couple friends who will support us unconditionally for the rest of our lives, and I really think this is an important aspect of any relationship.

2) We both (kind of) love being outdoors

We spent a lot of time doing outdoorsy things before we had Molly, and we can't wait to get back into it more when she is a bit bigger (we still do a lot of things outdoors with her now, but can't wait to take her camping). We used to bike a lot, camp as much as possible, hike, and go to the beach. We've still done all of these things since having a child/ren, but we can't wait to share these things with them in a few years. Brian also loooves to play sports outside (i.e. baseball) and I love playing ultimate frisbee in the summer. He joined our frisbee team and hasn't looked back ;)

Our cute uniforms

Apple picking in the Valley with Molly

3) We work because he builds things that I find on Pinterest.

This one might sound weird, but Brian is an engineer and when I come up with a "project", he can usually make that project better than I can. Here are two examples, but I have a whole post coming soon about DIY kids toys that he has made. Usually, I have planned to create the project myself, but he always does a MUCH better job than I ever could, and it makes me smile :)

A barn built for Molly's 2nd birthday (farm themed!)

"our" most recent project: a stationary tricycle for Molly to ride while we are using the stationary bike!

4) We work because we like to balance nights in with nights out.

Our nights out are a bit fewer and further between since having Molly, but we have still managed to make time for special occasions with friends and nights on the town. However, we are both MORE than happy to stay in with a movie and a board game more frequently -- even better if friends come over for board game night!

I have a whole post coming up about fun board games too :)

5) We both love being parents

Molly is our greatest blessing. We had both wanted to be parents since we were little and we warmed to the idea of Molly quite quickly. Brian is an amazing father and watching him with our daughter has increased my love for him tenfold. I know he feels the same way, and we both know how lucky we are to have been blessed with a wonderful child and another on the way.

We love being parents, but Molly didn't love being a baby...lol ;)

6) We both value honesty and loyalty

Brian's friends and family have always known him as a reliable person who will always stick up for them and be there when someone needs him. He is loyal to a fault, even if it means he can be stubborn about things at times ;) I know that he is always honest with me (unless he is trying to tell me that he didn't buy a donut with his tea this morning, lol)  and I appreciate this so much. I treat him the same way, and I think it really helps us to communicate.

7) We are OK with putting up with each others' quirks. 

I think over time you accept that the person you are married to might not do things the same way you do, but I like to think we have worked on accepting each other for who we are. This means that I am always going to turn to Google for answers, stress about things that always work out fine, and spend a lot of time talking about things that interest me or bother me. Brian will always follow his gut, only stress about the big things, and listen when I emphasize how much I need him to hear me :) This also means he will always try to understand why I love stuffed animals so much:

Brian bought me these when he was "courting" me - his words, not mine...haha

8) We both value where we came from, and have hopes and dreams for the future.

We are both lucky to come from parents who have been married for 29+ years, and who raised us to value kindness, music, sports, family, and education. I really think this has enabled us to relate to one another in a deeper way.

The big fiddle, Sydney, NS, home of 3 of our 4 parents

9) We love to celebrate

I love holidays, and one of my favourites is Canada Day. My least favourite is probably Halloween (I'm not sure why), but Brian loves that one so we usually put a bit of effort into dressing up. We also love to celebrate accomplishments, and birthdays are a big deal in our house. I think celebrating these moments gives us something to look forward to every year. It is also SO fun to celebrate holidays with kids!!!

Despite what you see here, Molly loves holidays too :)

10) We may have moments where we don't necessarily LIKE one another at all times, but we always, always love each other. 

Banff, 2011

My Valentine's card for Brian the year we were obsessed with playing Scrabble :)

Not all those who wander are lost...

Africville Park, Halifax, looking towards the MacKay Bridge

All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed shall be blade that was broken,

The crownless again shall be king.

(From “The Fellowship of the Ring”, J.R.R. Tolkien)

I didn't know of the poem that encompassed the line “Not all those who wander are lost” until I started thinking about writing this post and I looked it up, but I do love the Lord of the Rings. It's a true statement too. I think that the start of the year (and maybe just winter, in general) causes many people, including myself, to question where they are going and who they want to become. Like many, this is something that I have struggled with for the past few years since going through some transitional phases in my life. Life changes have caused me to question who I am. 

Now, before I delve into this much deeper, I should clarify that the life changes I’m referring to are all normal parts of a typical mid-twenties life. Finishing university. Finding a job. Meeting a long-term boyfriend. Getting pregnant after dating for 10 months (this might not be typical ;)). Getting engaged to the wonderful long-term boyfriend. Giving birth to a beautiful baby girl. Getting married. Buying a house. Starting a career-oriented job. Getting pregnant with a second child. Being laid off. None of this is (too) unheard of or out of the ordinary, even if it came at me in a way that I didn’t expect or plan for when I was younger. I should also clarify that none of these events has made me feel at all unhappy (except maybe for getting laid off on the same day we found out Baby # 2 was coming – but that’s another story :)). Most of these events have brought me abundant happiness, but they have also changed me into a different person in some ways, and there are times when I feel very lost and uncertain.

Here are the aspects of my life over which I am unbelievably and inexplicably certain about at this time:

1. I love my husband. I love being married, and I can't wait to see what our future holds.
2. I love my daughter (and future child arriving in 2 months, too). I love being a mother.
3. I love my family and my in-laws and I am so grateful to have such a supportive network.
4. I still have many of the same interests and hobbies as I had before I was a mother, but I find that I have a bit less time or drive to pursue them.

Here are some aspects that I feel moments of uncertainty about:

1. I love my friends, but friendships sometimes come and go depending on where you are in life. I'm not sure if I have as much in common with my old friends as I used to, and I'm not sure which friendships will last long-term.
2. I enjoy what I studied in university, but I am not sure if I will pursue a career in it. I am not sure what I will do after my year of maternity leave with Baby # 2. (This causes me nearly constant uncertainty).
3. I currently love living in Nova Scotia, and I don’t foresee us leaving anytime soon, but an unbeatable opportunity may arise someday that would cause a change in this (I almost never worry about this though).
4. I sometimes feel that I need to make more time for myself, but I don't know how to set limits on this and how to go about pursuing things that I might enjoy. 

I know that MANY, many "new"-ish mothers feel the same way as I do about many of these things. Motherhood requires a level of selflessness that inevitably changes a person. Amber at Crafty Healthy Mommy mentioned it in a post last week. When someone asks her to say something about herself, she might not know what to respond with. I feel that way too. Becoming a parent does not seem to have affected my husband in the same way that it has affected me, but it's not his fault. He still has the same friends that he has had since he was 5 years old. Those friendships will likely never end (and I would argue that male friendships are a bit different anyway ;)). He has still mostly had the time and ability and desire to pursue sports activities that he enjoys. He also loves his career (in general) and enjoys where he works and his co-worker relationships. Many times, I feel jealous of his ability to feel so grounded both as a father, a husband, a friend and an employee and wonder if I will feel the same way again soon. 

I am hopeful that this is the year that I figure out the answers to some of the things that I've questioned. Even though I'm not unhappy in life, I miss parts of who I used to be. I know you can't go back, but I'm excited to move forward and embrace all of the changes that are coming our way in 2014. I might be wandering, but I truly hope that I'm not lost. 

Does anyone ever feel this way? Am I over-analyzing it, or are these normal feelings? 

Today I'm also linking up with my fellow Canadian blogger and friend Haley at Truth be Told to share something my amazing and beloved husband does that drives me nuts. I should mention that he could easily think of 100 things I do that drive him nuts too, and that's just the way marriage works (in my mind.) The first thing that came to mind today is that I love him but...he has an impossible time finding things. He will ask me where something is, and I will tell him, and he will look for it (quickly), claim it is not there, and ask where else it could be or say it's missing forever. At this point, I usually get up, look in the same spot, and find the item right away. I have heard that this is a bit of a common man trait, so I can't really hold it against him, but it can be pretty amusing/annoying at times ;). 

This same husband also brought me Tums in bed last night even though he was 2 floors below me and not coming upstairs for any other reason, so there are some redeeming qualities to admire as well and I try to focus on those! ;)

Check out some other bloggers' vents about their significant others on Haley's blog today!

Tomorrow I've got a delicious and healthy recipe to share!!! 

Home is wherever I'm with you (Wedding Details Link-up!)

I love the idea of this link up, especially because we just celebrated our first anniversary!!!

My wonderful husband and I talked about marriage after only dating for a few months. We weren't in a hurry, but we knew that it might be on our horizon at some point. We are both the kind of people that weren't scared to be serious about our feelings for each other. After dating for 10 months and planning to move in together, we found out that I was pregnant with Molly. This wasn't in our plans, but we accepted it and each and every day, I am so grateful to have my daughter. We got engaged a few months after I found out I was pregnant (April 5, 2011), but decided to get married after the baby was born (set our date for June 9, 2012).

Here's a few of our engagement pics taken in April 2011 by Brian's talented cousin:



It actually snowed when we took these pictures and I was freezing, but I love them. I was about 4 months pregnant in these pictures but you couldn't (really) tell yet (I was still wearing my normal clothes).

We planned our wedding at the Catholic church closest to our apartment, and the reception at a very large hall close to my aunt's house about 20 mins away in Lr. Sackville. We invited 250 people, and I believe about 170 people were in attendance. We both have very large families, and many close friends who are engaged/dating/married. We had a full Catholic mass, which I was a bit nervous about because a lot of our friends aren't practicing Catholics, including Brian's family, but it was beautiful and I wouldn't have it any other way. It didn't feel too long at the time, except probably for my in-laws who were tasked with watching Molly: 

We had beautiful music at the ceremony courtesy of my cousin Brad (violin), my brother in law, my aunt, and my sister. My sister in law and my godmother did readings at the ceremony. One thing that Brian and I were both really disappointed about was the priest who conducted our ceremony. He was not the priest that we knew (ours was out of town) and he didn't speak English clearly. I know in many ways this shouldn't matter, but I felt like the non-Catholics at our wedding did not get the most out of the ceremony.

Here's the church all set up for the wedding (isn't it beautiful?):

 

With my Mom

Walking down the aisle with my dad

Our wedding colours were navy & silver. We had planned to include some green as well, but honestly, some of those details got a little bit lost in the shuffle of caring for an infant. We had a difficult time deciding on our bridal party because Brian could have easily had 5 attendants and I could really only settle on about 2, so we ended up with 2 (winner! haha just kidding). Brian had his 2 closest childhood/grade school friends, Scott and "Dub", and I had my beautiful sister and a friend from university, Laura.

We ordered the bridesmaid dresses from Modcloth.com and I loved them. The girls have both already worn them again. We had to make some minor alterations, but they fit well considering they were ordered online! The men rented tuxes for the wedding.

We took pictures after the ceremony with the bridal party and then met up with our families for pictures with Molly before the reception.

here's a funny moment where Brian almost dropped me ;)

the boys had some fun too...haha

The Bridal Party :)

 Us with our munchkin

(A pinky swear :D)

Everyone was at the reception when we got there. Here are a few glimpses:

Memory table of those who could not be with us

Game to get us to kiss - throw the frisbee through the hoop - did not go quite as planned!

Head table listening to my parents' speech

Many, many people at the reception

Our first dance to "Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes (we took dance lessons and choreographed it!)

If I were to do the whole thing again, there are definitely things I would do differently...like not be as stressed the week of the wedding. Overall, we had a very easygoing approach to the day, but I think it could have been better organized for our guests' benefit. However, everyone said that they had a great time and were happy to be there. I was disappointed not to get to talk to everyone at the reception, but there were simply TOO many people.

I was stressed about the people caring for Molly during the day and that night. It is very stressful getting married with a newish baby (she was almost 9 months). She woke up once or twice the night before the wedding and I was awake with her. I had to plan all of her food and pack all of her stuff the morning of the wedding. Etc. etc. BUT, all of that being said, it was a beautiful day, and I will never forget it. It was special in countless ways. 2 weeks after the wedding, we went on a "mini-moon" an hour away for the weekend. We stayed in a B&B and relaxed and went to wineries. It was amazing.

SIDE NOTE - the girl who made our wedding cake got married the week before outside on her property. Half of the people who attended her wedding got this disgusting flu (let's just call it similar to Norwalk). She baked our cake that week that all of her guests were sick, and lo and behold, many, many people at our wedding got sick days/weeks after the fact. REALLY weird. That didn't stop me from trying the cake again this year ;)

Can't wait to read about other weddings!! I should also mention that I was addicted to Pinterest when my daughter was a newborn, so I pinned MANY wedding ideas to this board if anyone is looking for any tips! I also found Wedding Bee to be an amazing wedding planning resource!! Bloggers will especially appreciate that site.

Also...my family is a bit crazy, so we actually had two weddings last summer. My sister got married in August! Here's a picture from that lovely occasion, at which I enjoyed being a matron of honour and relaxing at the reception! haha!