Here are a few reflections on our first 5 years as a married couple. A lot of these pertain to our own relationship with two young children. We had Molly before we were married so we don't know any differently, but a lot of these have a slight undertone about children :)
1) Your relationship is yours, and yours alone.
I know all about the saying Comparison is the thief of joy and I absolutely try to put this into practice in my own life, but I definitely fail sometimes. I have met couples over my lifetime and thought, "wow, why isn't that me and Brian? They always seem so happy and we were just arguing on the way over here!" I've also spent plenty of time thinking that all happy couples go to bed at the same time every night (we often don't) and have a date night once a week (we should try to do this more) or do everything together (this just isn't us). When it comes down to it, we are happy doing what we're doing. We strive to be partners in parenting. We involve each other in all of our exciting, mundane, interesting, silly moments and big life decisions. Just because one thing makes someone else happy doesn't mean that it's what we need to be doing. I've realized this a lot over the past year or so and it has improved our lives considerably (Brian is very much a "if it isn't broken, don't fix it" kind of person).
2) Learning more about your partner's love language, personality, and life goals can be quite eye-opening.
I love learning about stuff like this because my background is in psychology and I enjoy self-help type books. Brian is an engineer and couldn't care less about this stuff, but he does answer my questionnaires and I share things with him. We recently came across a house listing (even though we're not planning to move anytime soon) that Brian told me was his DREAM HOME. Problem: It was not even CLOSE to being my dream home. This was hilarious because we are both going to have to make some compromises down the road, but it just taught me that there is something new for me to learn about my husband all the time. Even though we have very different personalities, learning a bit more about this stuff has helped us to understand each other a little bit better, and isn't that the point?
3) Even though Brian is a top priority in my life, he may not always be the most immediate priority.
If I ever have any news to share or need advice, Brian is the person I turn to first (my parents are a close second :P). He is absolutely the most important person in my life aside from myself (because if you don't look out for yourself, who's going to?!). However, on the many nights of feeding and rocking a new baby over the past 5ish years, there were other things that I needed to do. Likewise, there were times when I could have spent extra time with him after the kids went to bed but I needed alone time to recharge and relax. We spent ~40 minutes of quality time in the car everyday talking about anything under the sun, so sometimes I feel okay if we do our own thing in the evenings. However, he does need to be made a priority sometimes, obviously, and that's what this weekend is about :)
4) When things get too busy, it's important to take some time together.
We are going away this weekend for this first time in a LONG time and I can't wait. We need this time alone together to just relax and enjoy each other's company during the time of day when we are not exhausted (i.e. evenings). We are blessed to have both of our parents nearby who are happy to watch our children on a regular basis so we do date nights about once a month, but it's very easy to do date nights at home too and sometimes we just relax with a few board games and a glass of wine and that's enough.
5) Having close friendships with other couples is wonderful.
Growing up, my parents had quite a few wonderful couple friends, most of whom we knew quite well and whose children I am still close with. I can't speak for my parents, but I know that in my own life, it is AMAZING for us to have couple friends who we can turn to and lean on and learn from. I remember something the priest mentioned on our wedding day about all of the people who were present to support us in our marriage, and we have been abundantly blessed with fantastic role models and other couples who are a testament to the love that surrounds us.
What do you think? Do any of these ring true in your own marriage? I'm always interested to hear other's thoughts on these things because I definitely know I am NOT an expert at any of this!!!
Happy anniversary Brian! Can't wait to relax and celebrate this weekend.
