Preparing your toddler for the birth of a new sibling (Tuesday's Tot Talks)

After having Molly, Brian and I both knew that we wanted another baby someday, but we took our time to figure out when would be best. We were overjoyed when we found out that a new baby would be joining our family and we couldn’t wait to tell Molly. At age 2 ½ (almost), I don’t think she 100% understands the idea of a new person in the family, but she is a VERY adaptable child and we aren’t too worried about how she will do when the new baby comes. I know there will be some good days and bad days, and some adjusting for all of us, but Molly loves babies and loves to talk to the baby in my belly all the time. She truly (so far) seems excited about it…but I don’t think she fully understands the baby’s permanence in our lives ;)

My current "baby" ;)

There are moments when I wonder as a mother how I can love another child as much as I love Molly. As our first, she will always hold that special place in our hearts because we’ve loved her longest, but I know that the new baby will make our family so special and I can’t wait to give Molly the gift of a sibling (a relationship that I have benefited from having for most of my life.)

We have brainstormed a few things that we can do to ease this transition for ourselves and for Molly too, and I wanted to share these ideas because I know this is an event that many parents encounter at one point or another.

Here’s what we’ve been doing during my pregnancy to help Molly understand the changes that are coming:

1. I encourage her to touch my belly and feel the baby move
2. I encourage her to talk to the baby and “introduce” herself
3. We have told her about events going on this summer (such as a Raffi concert in June) that we will be going to with her without the baby, but we’ve also been talking about things that we will do with the baby once s/he is here 
4. Molly has a few "babies" of her own and she loves to care for them
5. We have a few books that we've read with her about being a big sibling and welcoming a new baby
6. We have pointed out other groups of siblings that we know

Here are some plans we have for when the baby comes:

1. Closer to my due date, we are going to take Molly out to pick out a present to give the new baby from herself. 
2. We are also going to be giving her a small present when I go into the hospital and she spends time with my in-laws
3. We have a couple of little “new” toys on hand for Molly for the weeks after the baby’s birth when the baby will be getting a lot of new presents from visitors
4. We plan to let Molly help with certain baby activities (I know she will LOVE this) such as bath time, picking out clothes for the baby to wear for the day, and reading the baby stories or singing to the baby

Additionally, I have heard that it can be a good idea (as the mother) to ensure that your husband is holding the new baby or that the new baby is in the bassinet in the hospital when your oldest comes in to see you for the first time (so you can focus all of your attention on your oldest child for a few minutes after possibly not seeing them for a day or two).

Having a dance party

We are fortunate in that Molly feels very close to a large number of different people – she is very close to my husband, to several of her friends, to my in-laws, my parents/siblings and a few extended family members. She will easily spend time with these people without clinging to me, and I know that she will be excited for all the visitors that we see after the baby’s birth (for instance, my mom is coming out for 2 weeks from Calgary and Molly is SO excited). I am so glad that we have helped Molly to nurture these relationships and spend time with other family members, because I think it will make it easier for her to adjust.

Our only other worry is that Molly’s sleep will be disturbed with the new baby waking up in the night. There is really nothing that we can do to prepare for this, and we are hopeful that the sleep disturbance will be minimal. The baby will be sleeping in our room for a few months, so hopefully Molly won’t hear him/her crying in the night too frequently.

Here are some other great posts and tips about this topic from A Cup of Jo, Dr. Greene, Pregnancy.org, Little Hearts Books, and Beauty Through Imperfection.