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| Africville Park, Halifax, looking towards the MacKay Bridge |
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.
(From “The Fellowship of the Ring”, J.R.R. Tolkien)
I didn't know of the poem that encompassed the line “Not all those who wander are lost” until I started thinking about writing this post and I looked it up, but I do love the Lord of the Rings. It's a true statement too. I think that the start of the year (and maybe just winter, in general) causes many people, including myself, to question where they are going and who they want to become. Like many, this is something that I have struggled with for the past few years since going through some transitional phases in my life. Life changes have caused me to question who I am.
Now, before I delve into this much deeper, I should clarify that the life changes I’m referring to are all normal parts of a typical mid-twenties life. Finishing university. Finding a job. Meeting a long-term boyfriend. Getting pregnant after dating for 10 months (this might not be typical ;)). Getting engaged to the wonderful long-term boyfriend. Giving birth to a beautiful baby girl. Getting married. Buying a house. Starting a career-oriented job. Getting pregnant with a second child. Being laid off. None of this is (too) unheard of or out of the ordinary, even if it came at me in a way that I didn’t expect or plan for when I was younger. I should also clarify that none of these events has made me feel at all unhappy (except maybe for getting laid off on the same day we found out Baby # 2 was coming – but that’s another story :)). Most of these events have brought me abundant happiness, but they have also changed me into a different person in some ways, and there are times when I feel very lost and uncertain.
Here are the aspects of my life over which I am unbelievably and inexplicably certain about at this time:
- I love my husband. I love being married, and I can't wait to see what our future holds.
- I love my daughter (and future child arriving in 2 months, too). I love being a mother.
- I love my family and my in-laws and I am so grateful to have such a supportive network.
- I still have many of the same interests and hobbies as I had before I was a mother, but I find that I have a bit less time or drive to pursue them.
Here are some aspects that I feel moments of uncertainty about:
- I love my friends, but friendships sometimes come and go depending on where you are in life. I'm not sure if I have as much in common with my old friends as I used to, and I'm not sure which friendships will last long-term.
- I enjoy what I studied in university, but I am not sure if I will pursue a career in it. I am not sure what I will do after my year of maternity leave with Baby # 2. (This causes me nearly constant uncertainty).
- I currently love living in Nova Scotia, and I don’t foresee us leaving anytime soon, but an unbeatable opportunity may arise someday that would cause a change in this (I almost never worry about this though).
- I sometimes feel that I need to make more time for myself, but I don't know how to set limits on this and how to go about pursuing things that I might enjoy.
I know that MANY, many "new"-ish mothers feel the same way as I do about many of these things. Motherhood requires a level of selflessness that inevitably changes a person. Amber at Crafty Healthy Mommy mentioned it in a post last week. When someone asks her to say something about herself, she might not know what to respond with. I feel that way too. Becoming a parent does not seem to have affected my husband in the same way that it has affected me, but it's not his fault. He still has the same friends that he has had since he was 5 years old. Those friendships will likely never end (and I would argue that male friendships are a bit different anyway ;)). He has still mostly had the time and ability and desire to pursue sports activities that he enjoys. He also loves his career (in general) and enjoys where he works and his co-worker relationships. Many times, I feel jealous of his ability to feel so grounded both as a father, a husband, a friend and an employee and wonder if I will feel the same way again soon.
I am hopeful that this is the year that I figure out the answers to some of the things that I've questioned. Even though I'm not unhappy in life, I miss parts of who I used to be. I know you can't go back, but I'm excited to move forward and embrace all of the changes that are coming our way in 2014. I might be wandering, but I truly hope that I'm not lost.
Does anyone ever feel this way? Am I over-analyzing it, or are these normal feelings?
Today I'm also linking up with my fellow Canadian blogger and friend Haley at Truth be Told to share something my amazing and beloved husband does that drives me nuts. I should mention that he could easily think of 100 things I do that drive him nuts too, and that's just the way marriage works (in my mind.) The first thing that came to mind today is that I love him but...he has an impossible time finding things. He will ask me where something is, and I will tell him, and he will look for it (quickly), claim it is not there, and ask where else it could be or say it's missing forever. At this point, I usually get up, look in the same spot, and find the item right away. I have heard that this is a bit of a common man trait, so I can't really hold it against him, but it can be pretty amusing/annoying at times ;).
This same husband also brought me Tums in bed last night even though he was 2 floors below me and not coming upstairs for any other reason, so there are some redeeming qualities to admire as well and I try to focus on those! ;)
Tomorrow I've got a delicious and healthy recipe to share!!!
I think that being pregnant causes us to sit back and really question our lives currently. I get that you're feeling all of these things- certainty and uncertainty. I think it's completely normal but it probably doesn't matter that it's normal.. what matters is how you're feeling. Well! I also think that you haven't begun your maternity leave and you have A LOT of time to figure out what you're going to do once you return to work again. Believe me, that year flies by BUT.. you do have a lot of time to reflect on things..in a good way, of course. Besides, you're an old pro at this baby stuff.. so you'll have even more of a chance to figure it all out. This baby's going to be a breeeeeeeze. ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks for linking up! You're so sweet!! Um.. yes! Rob loses and misplaces everything because he is Mr. Unorganized. BUT.. I will admit that I am the one that doesn't look for things properly. I always claim to lose things and then Rob, like you- goes and finds what I'm looking for, where i just 'looked'..!
You're not over-analyzing. They're normal feelings. I've been questioning some of my friendships too which is why I've been going out and making new friends. I've learned that the amount of time you've been friends with someone does not determine how good that friend is. Career decisions is something on my mind as well.
ReplyDeleteAs for your hubby, Andrew has an impossible time finding things too! But that's just because he always forgets where he put it. So frustrating sometimes! Lol.
Hi Heather, I came here from Haley's link up and so glad I did! Not only am I a Tolkien fan too, but this post resonated with me. I hate change. I get sad thinking about people growing older and growing apart, and it hurts to think about all the memorable people, places, and situations that were once so big in my life, that I now have lost touch with. When I stop to think about it, the way that time passes so fast takes my breath away. And not in a good way. But at the same time, I like the person I am now more than the person I was back whenever. It seems to be a fair trade off so far. I like you listed the "certainties" in your life. I too make lists like that. My New Year's resolutions were no mere list, but instead an action plan in outline form. I look forward to reading more from you!
ReplyDeleteThanks Sarah! I agree, I get nostalgic thinking about people that I was once close with, and sometimes wish I could see them again or be back in those moments. Fortunately, I have a lot of friends who I know I *would* still be close with if they lived closer or we saw each other more, but it's still hard to feel distant from people that way. Definitely have to focus on the certainties sometimes!!! :)
DeleteI loved your post on the link up too! ohhhhhh men.
motherhood is hard but fathers have this uncanny ability to just roll with it. that's what i've had to learn in the last 5 years - to just roll with it and work to keep things balanced. we just take on too much as a mom/wife - i think it's just in our nature but we need to ensure that things are offloaded to our partners and TAKE TIME FOR OURSELVES. that's what i find we often forget to do - make sure that the family is taken care of and we come last. i've changed that over the last few years - no one comes last but what *I* want and how *I* feel are now a priority, just like everyone else's needs/wants/feelings/dreams. that made a big difference for me.
ReplyDelete-kathy
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